Matt B: Are you more of an honest asshole or a compulsive liar?
tit: I certainly try to be honest with people (when it's necessary to the relationship. e.g., If my professor asks me how I am he doesn't need to hear about all my personal problems) but I don't see the value in being brutally honest, at least in personal relationships. I try to be honest and nice, whenever possible. I know lots of people love the idea of brutal honesty, but I don't. I don't like the idea of anything brutal, really
ColorStorm: Brutal honesty is overrated. You can say what you need to say with love/delicacy/sensitivity.
ColorStorm: brutal honesty is just that, like you said, brutal, it lacks tact, it's insensitive.. yet some people consider it a virtue, what's the point of talking if
ColorStorm: you're just going hurt someone, it's like doing surgery with a machete
ColorStorm: i mean why just mouth off whatever you think as if it's golden
ColorStorm: your coarse thoughts aren't worth that much that people need to hear them without any kind of reservation
ColorStorm: i just don't understand the mentality
ColorStorm: people are weird
Edit: Here’s something a very wise man I once knew wrote:
"Authenticity can easily turn into emotional
volatility if it isn't balanced with emotional safety and healthy communication
skills."
"Client asked me:
"Isn't it healthy to be authentic the way I was with [him/her]?"
Here’s what I believe:
Yes, authenticity is essential. But if your version of authenticity causes
others to lose trust in you, to feel it's safer to distance themselves rather
than come closer, then the authenticity is out of balance. (Even more so when
authenticity is just a cover for criticism & covert blame)
Being authentic doesn’t mean saying everything that’s on your mind or heart in
any way you choose. Emotionally healthy communication is about connection. It’s
about helping someone understand you, and to feel with you. If your words
create disconnection, distance or fear, then they’re not aligned with the
values of emotionally healthy connection.
Many people are learning to share their truth and speak up more openly. That's
important works and it matters. But there's a deeper level to that work:
learning how to share truth and share feelings in a way that’s emotionally
regulated, clear, and safe. That's where the deeper intimacy begins.
Some say, "It’s not your responsibility how others receive your words.”
Sure, there’s some truth there. But that idea, taken too far, becomes
destructive. If you don't care how your partner receives your truth, if you
refuse to take any responsibility for the impact of your communication, you
will never build emotional safety. And without emotional safety, there is no
relationship. Just two people defending their truth, alone yet in the same
room.
If this resonates and you'd like to go deeper into this kind of work, you’re
welcome to check out one of my webinars on this topic, or reach out about
working together 1:1. You can do that here: https://linktr.ee/SerdarHararovich"